


A Sense of Self (?)

by lichtenstrange



Series: Domestic AU [13]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: M/M, and adoption, domestic AU, talk of childhood abandonment, xion has an identity crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:41:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23260390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lichtenstrange/pseuds/lichtenstrange
Summary: Xion starts overthinking something about herself and feels a little lost
Relationships: Axel/Saïx (Kingdom Hearts), Isa/Lea (Kingdom Hearts)
Series: Domestic AU [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1458043
Comments: 1
Kudos: 26





	A Sense of Self (?)

**Author's Note:**

> Roxas and Xion are 12 years old

There weren’t a lot of secrets kept in the family, the exception usually being surprises for one another. And the kids knew they were adopted as babies in the hospital with no other family known to anyone. They accepted that, and grew as they were.

But it never stopped the questions from coming up.

And at this point, the questions haunted Xion. Her and Roxas never cared about their origins, thankful for their upbringing and the happiness of growing up with Lea and Isa. So why are these thoughts suddenly racing through her mind incessantly?

It started as a simple question from her friends of “You’re really not curious about your background?”

She shrugged.

“Not really? We’re happy with the family we have, so what’s the point of looking for them?”

And then she started thinking about it more. What’s the point? Does there have to be a point? Is curiosity simply not a good enough answer? Would it hurt to find out?

So she began looking. Well…  _ Where _ could she begin looking? An internet search wouldn’t be any good, there was no last name but her parent’s. And she would probably have to go to the hospital for any records, and she  _ definitely  _ couldn’t do that alone. Who would leave two babies with no trace? It was getting hard to contain, this breakdown from all these questions racing through her head.

Eventually, it became too much. 

“Come on, I’ll drop you two off to school. Got your homework?” Isa gathered his coat and keys at the door, calling for the kids to hurry along.

“Is it technically homework if we do it before getting it home?” asked Roxas.

“Yes it is, smartass!” Lea called out.

“Xion, come on! Would like to keep late arrivals to a minimum.”

“Um…” she peered out from the top of the stairs, very clearly not ready to leave. “I… don’t really feel like going today.” Concern spiked in Isa.

“You feeling sick?”

“Kinda,” she mumbled.

“Okay. I’ll be back soon, Starshine.”

“Bye Xion,” Roxas gave her a small smile and wave before leaving, hoping she was feeling okay by the time he got home.

She stayed by the stairs, hesitating to move or speak until she heard Lea.

“Starfish?” He came into view, rolling to the end of the staircase. “Everything okay?”

“Mhm.” He gave her a skeptical look as she wandered down the stairs slowly, doing that eyebrow quirk he always used whenever someone was hiding something. “I’m going to have some breakfast.”

“Can I join? Or is it ‘Xion only’ breakfast?”

She shrugged.

It wasn’t often the kids stayed home from school, mostly only when they were sick. There were a couple of times where Roxas felt rather overwhelmed by everything and the thought of the school crowds had him turning pale, so he stayed home rather than go to school. One thing they wanted the kids to learn was to value their mental health as much as their physical.

Xion certainly didn’t look sick, but she sure looked burdened.

Lea watched as she pulled out some toast and eggs, getting things heated and prepared. The way she moved, it was heavy. Like something was physically weighing her down. Slow, small movements, keeping her arms close to herself, tiny dragging steps instead of her usual springy step…

He waited until she was finished making the food before speaking up. She looked tired.

“Xion. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“You look tired, honey. Something’s bothering you. It’s not like you to not want to go to school unless you’re ill. That more your brother’s M.O.”

“I’m fine, I swear.”

“And I curse, much to your father’s disgust. Even though he’s worse than me,” he smiled. Lea stretched a hand out on the table. “Starfish, please talk to me? Unless you’d rather talk to moon dad when he gets home?” He watched as her expression wavered a little, the food on her fork shaking a little.

“Who am I?” she whispered.

“Huh?”

“Who am I? Who am I really? Why were we left behind? What kind of person leaves babies behind? I don’t want to be like that. What kind of person will  _ I _ be when I grow up?” Tears slowly began to trail down her face as she rambled on, questioning her identity, who she truly is, what will become of herself in the future. “I don’t have an identity! I’m just a mystery baby with no past!” The fork made a loud clang as she dropped it onto the plate, burying her face in her hands.

There had  _ never _ been an instance where the kids were distressed over their past. Curious maybe, but never distressed.

“Hey, hey hey, come here.” He moved closer, tugging her from the chair to his lap and wrapping his arms around her. She leaned into his chest, crying into his shirt as he tried to soothe her. “What brought this on, huh?”

“The others were asking if we were curious about our background, and I just kept thinking about it and…” she took a deep breath, “I don’t know who I really am? Where could I even begin  _ looking _ for our past? What kind of person am I?” A loud sob. “I’m just… nobody.”

“Woah, hey now! You’re not nobody.”

“Aren’t I? What am I then, huh?”

“Well,” Lea began, “I can say with full confidence that you are a good person. You’re sweet, kind and caring, creative, happy, bubbly, genuine, very expressive, honest, and helpful.” He rubbed a warm hand up and down her back gently. “You look out for us and your friends all the time, you’re pretty good at cooking eggs and bacon, you’re very smart, have very good strategy when playing games, and are very respectful towards others.”

The one thing Lea and Isa wanted more than anything when raising the kids, that they grow up happy and good. ‘Take no shit, do no harm’ as Lea would say.

“Your past isn’t what’s going to shape your future, okay? What matters is how you grow up. What you learn, how you learn.  _ That _ is what decides what kind of person you’ll be. Now, I can’t say much for myself considering how I was growing up, but I know Isa has taught you well. You’ve grown so much and so well, I can only wait to see how much of a wonderful young woman you’ll be when you’re older.” Xion wrapped her arms around Lea’s neck, listening to what he had to say and understanding. “If you really do want to find them, we can do that. We can contact the hospital, see if there’s any records, go from there.”

“No,” she sniffled. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have let it get to me like that.”

“It happens.”

“I know. Can we play some of the game today?”

“Of course. Whatever you want, starfish.”

Soon enough, Isa returned home to find Xion and Lea in the living room playing some game on the TV. It wasn’t until much later Lea had the chance to talk to Isa about what was bothering Xion. Isa watched from the kitchen window as she played in the yard with the chickens, wondering why such a sweet young girl would think she could turn into someone horrible.

“Do you think  _ we _ should look into it, at least? Just in case?” he asked Lea, sitting at the table going through some paperwork for some filming, having been given an upcoming extras role.

“I don’t think so. If there was something serious they would have told us. Unless you really want to know. I can’t say I’m interested, but I won’t stop you from going for it.”

It wasn’t something he had actually ever considered, only feeling concerned after Lea spoke to Xion. But, he supposed Lea was right. There was not realy need to know, any information needed would’ve been provided at the hospital. Isa left the window, wrapping an arm around Lea as he sat beside him. 

Their family. Two childhood friends, adopted twins, and a pair of chickens.

Not exactly what either one of them had expected, but they were pretty happy with the outcome so far.

**Author's Note:**

> will there ever be an au where these kids do not experience some form of identity crisis?


End file.
